I say you have to do what is right for yourself and don't think that you will be able to flip those die hards. We are faders (stopped meetings 18 months ago, but they can't make an announcement, no wrongdoing). We are still on relatively good terms with extended family, some of them are really having problems, death, financial problems due to lack of education and wayward DF'ed kids. You would think they would be ripe for some reality testing about the organization, right? They are more blinded than ever. We had a conversation with one of them last night, talk about lost and blinded but totally unwilling to look at things differently. I had my own family to think about and get out. NMKA
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JoinedPosts by no more kool aid
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Fade rapidly OR jeopardise the fade by helping family/friends learn the truth and remain part of our lives?
by LUKEWARM incan i say from the outset that i feel grief and frustration over family/friends that are not aware of the truth about the "truth".
they are good people who genuinely believe - as we all did at one time- that they are in gods organization and that this is what he requires of them.. .
how liberating for us to have come to know the real truth and how sad they remain guilt ridden and under mind control that fosters these conditional friendships that bother us so much.. .
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Older Men/Younger Women
by asilentone inwhat are your thoughts about 44 year old guy dating 22 year old girl?.
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I think it's ok. But what about when he's 50 an she is, um , ah. I am not a math major, but you have to think about that.
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I guess this is a little different twist. There was this sister in our congregation that went back to school ( yeah) and wanted a job where I worked when she graduated . I told her to wait because if she got one more certification she would make another $4 an hour. In the meantime I helped her with her resume, got her an application, bought her a nice graduation gift and sent a letter of introduction and recommendation to the HR department. Then just as she was ready to apply the company advertised a $5000 sign on bonus for anyone who applied with an in house referral, so I told the sister put my name down as the referral source and I'll give you the money (they were about to loose their house) just take us out to dinner to celebrate!
I asked her about it several months later (after her probationary period) said you know i haven't heard about the sign on bonus money. She said "Yeah, I talked about that with my husband (elder), we didn't think it was right".
To this day, I don't know why they deprived themselves of $5000 (that they desperately needed) or the pleasure of our company for dinner.
Nmka
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How long did it take before you started talking to others about being an ex-dub?
by the real life ini was just wondering if any of you took time to speak openly about being an ex-witness.. sometimes, when it came up naturally, i told some of my friends; in other cases, i felt really uncomfortable talking about it.
in fact, it's a little strange, but i felt more comfortable telling casual friends rather than the people closest to me.
i often felt like it was a huge revelation to make, often to find that people weren't really that shocked.
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It took about 3 months before I could tell a few close work friends, neighbors and a few non jw family members. I felt like it was something so big I was going through that I needed a little support. It took my husband a little longer about a year, I guess. I don't identify myself as an ex jw to "in" family, they just think I went off the deep end.
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I couldn't face going
by cantleave ini was suspossed to go to the meeting today, gotta to keep up the pretense in order to facillitate my fade.
instead i had nice lie in, i visited my non-witness dad, and then met up with my first aspostate from this site mr. majestic.. i didn't want to go to the meeting because meetings make me angry, i can now see the techniques used to control the congregation by fear.
i can't stand the thought that so many good people are being fed a banquet of lies and deception.. i could so easily never attend again..
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I actually find it hard to understand how some people can go one more minute after they start to figure things out. I decided one Sunday while at a meeting that I would not be doing this anymore (I did not know at the time how my husband would react). I can totally relate. NMKA
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Sisters crying in the kitchen/lobby
by highdose inyears ago i was at the revamp of a kingdom hall.
one of the sisters told me that since they got rid of the kitchen it was so much better, becuase there were always sisters out there crying!
and now they have no place to go, so they just have to stay in the hall and listen to the meeting!.
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Boy can I relate to this one! We had a bench in the coat room to take off boots etc. Well, it became nicknamed the "crying bench". Also the rocking chair in the mothers room was usually occupied by the unstable flavor of the week, crying hysterically. One sister notorious for crying on the bench moved, my husband and I often joked should it go with her or perhaps have a plaque made for it in her honor. I have never seen a more condensed group of public criers in my life and my career involves working with mentally unstable patients. I used to fantasize about medication combinations that I could pump through the water fountain. If you are feeling that messed up, stay home that day and take care of yourself, geez. NMKA
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Assembly Survival Techniques
by KingAgag ini told my wife some time back that i would fade, and i compronised that i'd still attend the memorials and assemblies (at least for now).
november 1st is the 'special' assembly day.
she said she doesn't care if i listen or not, it is more to help her with the baby.
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During my final hours as a JW I was going to school. I often has tougher concepts written out on index cards that I stuck in my book, that way I didn't have to study in my spare time. I graduated with a 4.0. Also fun to come up with theme songs in your head for the same old people that walk up and down the isles looking to be seen. Hope it helps, don't pinch that poor baby unless you really have to haha. NMKA
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My 4-yr JWD Anniversary!!!!!
by daniel-p inthat's right, today marks 4 years.
but seriously though, 4 years is a good long while!.
i can remember the day i first posted on this site... i was at the cusp of a thoroughly shattered faith, and i was in complete despair.
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Good for you! You have accomplished so much. You get that little one involved in Sunday morning soccer and Tuesday night baseball so he doesn't have to endure what we all have and love him or her up!
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College
by AllTimeJeff ini know i have threatened to do this before, like when i first left.
but i am thinking of going to college.
this time, i feel determined.
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Jeff, you are going to absolutely love going back to school. I went back at 35 with kids, a job, a husband and was still trying to be in "the truth". School is where I had my first little epiphany's about the organization. If you can start with some stuff on the weekends or evenings you will be with more adults which I really loved. I started with just one class at campus and an online class at a time. Then when I wanted to go full time, I started working on the weekends and going to school Mon-Thu, work payed for the whole thing! It was hectic but a holiday or summer was always around the corner. I can't you encourage enough. Best of luck! NMKA
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Being Under Cult Mind Control is a Psychological Disorder - Steve Hassan
by flipper inthought perhaps some newer members who haven't heard some of hassan's thoughts on mind control might relate to this from their own experiences in jehovah's witnesses .
even though mind control is initiated by the cult involved in controlling it's members - hassan points out - it actually becomes a psychological disorder which can entrap the victim himself or herself - all the while - as they are being controlled by the leaders of cults.. on page 55 of hassan's book " releasing the bonds - empowering people to think for themselves " it states what happens in a destructive cult , " in a destructive cult, the locus of control shifts to the group or it's leader .
the new recruit abdicates his ability to make decisions.
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I agree with an above poster that said they don't even try to hide what they are doing by the constant encouragement to strip off old personality, when all they are creating is personality disorders by stifling a persons authentic self. How can a young person find out who he is in that organization if he is denied an education, he can't really be exposed to a sport or hobby that he may excel at. Because none of these endeavors are putting "kingdom interests" first, and if you do explore these things, the guilt, and being relegated to a second class citizen. You can't truly decide what kind of mate you would like to have, you better just hope there is someone available in your congregation or nearby when you come of age, like 18. I remember when I wanted to start a family, but no, there was a big WT article about "responsible childbearing", so we put it off a few more years.
My husband and I find ourselves in our mid forties trying to figure out who we really are. So far so good, but it's a bumpy road. We ran into a "worldly" relative a few weeks ago (who did not know of our exodus) and she said "you look like a totally different person, like the weight of the world has been lifted of of you" , that kind of says it all. NMKA